The world is filled with unaware partnership. It’s very difficult to talk about the possibilities that are really there in partnership because, in fact, you need to have a real awareness in order to be able to operate correctly with another human being.

It’s one of the most difficult tasks there are. The genetic imperative establishes for us a drive to be attracted to what we’re not. And in that drive to be attracted to what we’re not, and operating as not-self, ultimately what comes of that is we end up in partnerships that are simply not correct for us.

I think one of the fundamentals of partnerships that are not correct is the underlying demand of either partner that the other change. That there is this constant struggle to find a way in which one could feel fulfilled in the bond with the other and constantly seeing where there are so many dilemmas that simply cannot be overcome.

No Fault

I think one of the first things to recognize when you actually deal with the subject of any kind of bond in any kind of relationship, that it has to begin without fault. I think this is one of the ordeals that the not-self goes through in all of its relationships, is that at one level or another the blame game, the fault game is always something that arises. It’s not the way in which our relationships are intended to operate. I understand that so well. I understand that in my own life story what lack of awareness does to any potential to have a truly viable relationship with the other, regardless of what that other is, friend, lover, or business associate, whatever.

But I think the first thing is to accept magic. Magic is something that’s really delightful to take into one’s life. No matter how we enter into a relationship, whether we enter into it correctly or not, it is not really about choices. Relationships, all kinds of relationships, whatever variety of relationships you want to look at, happen. They happen. And there is always a mystery that is connected to any relationship happening. And there is always a connection to any relationship coming to an end.

Now of course, we being human beings and caught up on the mental plane, we’re very good at establishing reasons. Reasons why we came together in the first place, reasons why we grow apart, all the reasons that we’re so good at not only making up, but listening to and actually following, that kind of mental direction which leads to all kinds of tension in the relationships.

Surrendering to the Relationship

If you’re going to begin the process of trying to live with awareness in your relationships, it begins with surrendering to the relationship. There is nothing else that one can do. There is no point in trying to figure out a reason why, because it’s just making up a reason, and it takes away from the experience of the relationship itself.

Before mechanics came into my life, the only way that I could relate to the other was through the way in which my mind framed everything. And it framed everything according to the way in which my not-self operated, according to the openness in me and the way in which it impacted me. Now, I was so busy working things out on the mental plane that I never really got to experience what was there. We all carry with us extraordinary levels of prejudices when it comes to what we’re ready to live with or not live with, and all of these things that arise out of partnership.

Once you can get to the place where you accept that things are going to happen and they’re going to last as long as they’re going to last, then you can be present. Awareness is so much about presence. The advantage that Human Design gives us is something that's really extraordinary. It gives us a map. It gives us a map that says, “This is the way it’s going to work.” Awareness is about seeing.

Excerpt from Aware Partnership

Ra Uru Hu was the Human Design System’s founder and messenger. Ra dedicated 25 years of his life to the development and teaching of the System around the world until he passed away in 2011.