20 Years Later

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I had my reading with Ra Uru Hu when I was 46 and now I’m 66. Sometimes it is difficult to remember who it was that sat down next to him. In that reading, he gave me the information I needed to transform my life.

I had been searching for so long – when I was younger I was searching for love and my soulmate. As that search took me to India and I began a “spiritual” journey, that longing for love became a longing for enlightenment. I had been on that journey for almost 20 years when I sat next to Ra. I was raised in the 1950’s in an Italian family where men were considered those who “knew”. In retrospect, I can see I was looking for an outer authority I could trust – whether it was a lover or a guru. As a 6/2 having just gone on the roof when I began my search, I knew that my life was a mess and I needed something other than what I had been living.

It wasn’t until I was living my life with my strategy and authority that the searching and longing disappeared. I had found what I had been looking for. It was “me” – the “me” I was born to be.

I wanted to share with you some of the things Ra said to me. Because it was what he said that changed my life. His words went deeply into me and had a tremendous impact on me.

“What’s most important for you is that it’s not your mind that can tell you what to do in your life. And it’s not your throat that can tell you what to do. The only thing that can tell you what to do is this sacral center. Because, you see, the sacral center has a voice. The voice that it has is a voice that makes sounds. You have two voices. You have a voice that speaks in words, this is the voice that speaks out of yourself and it says, “I lead or I don’t lead” – that’s a voice of words. But you cannot trust that to tell you what to do. Out of your sacral center you have sounds. You want to go out? “Ahunh.” “Do you want to watch some TV”? “Ahunh.” “Do you want to come out and play?” “Unun.” These are sounds. And these sounds that come out of the sacral center are the sounds of truth for you; your truth, not anybody else’s. It is your sacral center and these sounds are always going to tell you what you need to know.”

“Every aspect of your chart – is simply that there’s no step to take other than out of response. It doesn’t matter what gate or line I describe for you, it will always operate correctly, your behavior will always be correct as long as it’s coming out of that response. There’s nothing else. With your kind of training, you’re one of these sacral people who really have a chance to live your life. I mean your life. That’s an awakened life. You live a life out of response, that’s an awakened life.”

“All of that comes from listening to your sacral center. And what that means is that you have to learn how to wait. It is very, very, hard to wait. Not everybody can. Because, you see, if you wait, and you wait for people to ask you, then you’re always going to know. But the moment that you hear your voice saying, “I want this or I want that” you’re not going to get it. And it’s going to make you feel very sad. But when somebody comes up to you and says, “Do you want this?” and you go, “Ahunh.” Then not only do you get it but you get exactly what’s there for you.”

I spent most of my life caring for people – family, friend and even strangers. When Ra talked to me about that aspect in my chart, it was not easy to let in. I have the channel 27-50 connecting my Sacral Center to my Splenic Center. Caring was such a deep part of me.

“So the 27 in you, this is the other side of that. This isn’t the sexual genetic role to get a mate, this is the side that says, “Now that we’ve got this mate unfortunately we’re pregnant how are we going to look after the child?” This is about nurturing. This is the mother/father. The fourth line is called generosity—the natural sharing of attained abundance. Magnanimous and qualitative sharing. The gift of rewarding those who are deserving.

Now look, if you don’t get into that, you get into the other side, indiscriminate sharing. Those who are deserving, that is not a judgment of the mind, it’s your sacral response. You can have a multi-millionaire come up to you and say, “Can you lend me $10?” and you go, “ahunh.” Do you understand? It will have nothing to do with what you think is right or wrong, or who you should share it with, or why you’re sharing it with them. It won’t have anything to do with that. It will be a pure awareness in you that knows in the moment, existentially, this is somebody that needs caring now.And they have to ask you.

They have to ask in a yes/no question so that you can hear your sacral sound in response. Otherwise, forget it. It has to come out of your response which means that you can’t care for anybody who doesn’t ask. You can’t care for anybody who doesn’t ask. They have to ask. They have to come to you and say, “I need your help, will you help me?” And you can go “ahunh. It has enormous power, because then you have all your energy behind it. It’s really you”

I just gave my caring away – as he told me – indiscriminately. And the days after my reading, when I began my “waiting” – for the first time in my life I actually could feel how exhausted I was. Exhausted to the bone.

Throughout the reading, no matter what part of my chart he looked at – he always brought it back to me being asked and me responding

“When somebody comes to you and they ask you something it’s very simple for you. You just have to hear your own response out of the sacral center and the sacral center makes noises. “You want to go out tonight?” “Ahunh.” “You want to go out tonight?” “Unun.” Do you love me?” “Unun.” You see, you can never trust what you say out of your voice.

When your throat says “I love you,” do not believe that, you don’t know if it’s true. You can never know. You have to be asked, and you have to be asked everything. The moment that you’re asked, in that moment of response out of your sacral center then you know your truth and you have power. You see, you don’t know if there is anything for you to do in this unless you’re asked so that you can hear that response. You’re very, very important to other people. But you have to wait to be asked.

You see, you’ve had all kinds of spiritual stuff in your background so think of yourself as a priestess at the Oracle of Delphi. You don’t go screaming out “come to me and I will tell you,” because no one would ever come. You have to wait. Only then do you have your power. And only then will they come and ask. And only then can you know. This is the whole thing for you. For the 20th Century woman this is often difficult to understand because the idea of having to respond, of having to wait for somebody to ask sounds like a stereotype. Please don’t misunderstand this; this is about you being the queen. It’s about you recognizing that your power lies in waiting because in the moment that you respond out of your sacral, whatever your sacral agrees to you will have the energy to do that."

One of the things that I love so much about Human Design is that the power that Ra speaks of is not about a power over anyone. It is an inner power. But this inner power – this place of inner truth and decision making does not allow anyone else to have power over me. It was so easy to manipulate me for all the years prior to my reading.

“So recognize something, the moment that they come and ask you that’s when you have your power and that’s when you can be recognized. But look, if there’s something that you want, if there is someone that you want and you try to get it you’ll never have it. Never.

What you have to see is that everything that is there for you will come to you. And not everything that comes to you will you accept because that’s the power that you have. The moment that you’re acting out response you will not waste your energy, nor will you be used by others and conditioned by them.”

The one aspect of my reading that I just could not relate to was not being an emotional person. I was the most emotional person I knew! It was months later when an emotional person was in my face and I stepped out of that person’s aura and experienced it ALL leaving my body – that I really got “I’m not emotional”.

“I’m like you; I have an undefined emotional system. So if I meet somebody and they’re in a bad mood, I’m in twice as bad a mood. If they’re in a good mood, I’m in twice as a good a mood. In other words, all of your life the emotional nature that has come out of you, the description that people have for you that you’re an emotional person, all of this has always been a lie. It’s always been a lie. It’s never been you, ever.

And the first thing to recognize about the nature of who you are is your authority lies in your sacral center in response. It does not lie in your emotions. The moment you give up making emotional decisions, you can’t stop the emotions from taking you up and down; you can step out of the aura. And the moment you stop identifying with the emotions as being your own emotions, you will no longer suffer from all the guilt, pain and shame that you have sitting there inside of your emotional system. You’re not here to make decisions based on emotions. You can never, ever trust them.”

I can say that I truly am not emotional and all the guilt and shame and pain that lived in side of me for 46+ years are no longer there! I know – it sounds unbelievable but it’s true.

Think about the game that the gods play. You see, you are a very powerful being. And yet, you’ve been made deeply, deeply, deeply vulnerable, open to conditioning, so easily pulled away from who you are; forced by others to be conditioned into their way of life. None of this belongs to you. And you’re here in your anarchy to deny anybody the ability to be able to condition you without your consent.

It’s not the conditioning is the bad thing; it’s beautiful. You, like me, have an undefined emotional system. We would never know passion or desire in our life without those emotional people to come into our auras. It’s not about eliminating conditioning; it’s about recognizing who you are in all of that. And recognizing that there is a part of you that has the authority to know, to really know what conditioning is acceptable. “You want to go out with me”? “Ahunh.” “You want to go out with me”? “Unun.”

It knows. And it knows in a way that your mind can never understand. It knows in a way your emotions can never understand.”

I was so excited with my reading. I felt like I had been given a diamond. But afterwards, the fear set in.

“What this knowledge offers you is nothing but fear. Understand that. Because if you have to wait for the response you can’t be half pregnant, you have to really be there waiting in your power. And it can be so frustrating because you think you may never be asked, and that when you are asked you will not be asked what you want to have asked. It takes courage to become yourself.

And for you, you need the proof. And you can’t get the proof unless you just see for yourself that this is the way it truly works for you. You are here to respond, that’s your perfection.”

But I knew I had no choice. I had to experiment with my strategy. I had to wait to be asked so that I could honor my sounds. I had to see for myself if it worked. I knew in the first 6 months that it worked. Knowing it worked did not make it any easier. I had to die to who I thought I was. I shattered. It was painful. I never felt so alone in my life. Friends fell away. It was the most difficult thing I had ever attempted in my life. But oh was it worth it. I have myself. Nothing is more precious than this.

Mary Ann Winiger

Mary Ann Winiger, a 6/2 Generator, trained live with Ra Uru Hu and has been deeply involved with Human Design for over 20 years. Personal site at key-to-you.com

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