Don’t Believe Me

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During my reading with Ra, he told me “Don’t believe me. You experiment and find out for yourself.” He also said “don’t believe me” hundreds of times over all his years of teaching. This impacted me greatly. As someone who had been searching for over 20 years before meeting Ra and having my reading AND having an open Ajna, it was so easy to “believe” the teachers who influenced me along the way. Having an open mind, it was very easy to take in deeply what they taught or shared and try to have that be my truth. Now I met someone who told me not to believe him. This was a breath of fresh air. I have to admit I loved that he wore black, smoked and was so non-spiritual in the traditional sense I was used to. In my reading, he told me that I was not emotional. (I have an open solar plexus center.) I didn’t verbalize what I was thinking but it was “this Human Design is great but me not being emotional? This is so not me. I am the most emotional person I know.” So I did not believe him. I left that reading understanding that I needed to wait to respond, that my sounds were my answer and that I needed yes/no questions. I also got that Ra could not believe anything I said about myself in words to be true. That the only truth he could trust were my sacral sounds.

And so I began my experiment. It was very difficult to go against all the years of living as a very out-going, social person who initiated everything with everyone. To not fall into those old patterns of behavior was the hardest thing I have done in this life. But “waiting” was truly the secret. When every one of my cells was jumping up and down inside of me wanting me to go in the old pattern, I would just wait. Slowly it got easier. And easier. I could feel a huge shift inside. An inner alignment was happening and I knew I had never experienced anything like this before. It turned my whole life upside down. All my relationships – husband, family, friends, colleagues – changed. I was no longer who they knew me to be and this was not easy for anyone. I was also no longer who I knew myself to be!

Over the years, my sacral has responded “unun” to Ra and what he was telling me, many many times. To be able to confront (but only in sounds – never words) an ego Manifestor with a powerful aura was a true test for me of Human Design and what it can bring. For someone who was so easily swayed by the outside, it was delightfully shocking to stand so strong and true within myself.

I remember when Ra introduced PHS. It was after my first seven years. He gave me a reading about my PHS. I shared it with my husband and family but whenever they asked if I wanted or needed to eat that way, I had a big “unun” (no). Once in a while, a day here and there, I would have an “ahunh”. But I knew not to do my PHS just because it was what was taught in Human Design. Nothing has authority over my inner authority. But this is what he meant by “Don’t believe me”. No one can know what any one of us should do because they are not us. Each one of us is unique. There is no one like us. We each are here to go on our journey. I love the analogy of the passenger and the vehicle. (The Design/unconscious and Personality/conscious). We sit in the back seat of our vehicle and sometimes another vehicle moves up next to ours. Sometimes that vehicle travels the whole life side by side with our vehicle. Sometimes it just for a little while. But it is always two separate passengers sitting in the back seat of their unique vehicle.

Through responding, I ended up on Ibiza for “no reason” at all except my sounds were strong to a question from a Projector friend if I was coming. I had no idea why. I was at Ra’s home and we were just hanging out and I heard myself blurt out “it’s driving my mind crazy that my sacral keeps going “unun” to my PHS. It can’t understand why if PHS is supposed to be so healthy for us”. He looked at me and said “I put too much emphasis on diet. You digest life in silence and in your own aura”. To which my sacral responded so strongly “ahunh” (YES!) Now THIS was my truth and I could feel it in every one of my cells. I see the truth of this, every evening when I finally get into bed at night. The lights are out, there is no one in my aura and it’s silent. It’s not that I think about my life – it’s more like things just surface and there is a deep seeing and understanding.

During that meeting, he was very excited about the holistic analysis he was doing. He asked me “what are your nodes?” All I could do was shrug my shoulders and say “I don’t know”. He looked at me shocked. And then he started laughing and I started laughing. It was such a deep connection – this laughter. If he had asked me that question 10 years ago or 15 years or 20 years, I would have been able to answer. But now? I don’t remember all the aspects of my chart. I just live me. I don’t live my life through the lens of Human Design. Yes, sometimes something does come up about Human Design – but it is not a filter that I live from. I am aligned in myself and I know my frequency (my song). It is clear and real and true. It is this I live.

The beauty of this crazy trip that I took to Ibiza for “no reason” was beyond just finding out about my PHS being about how I digest life. It was also the last time I was with Ra before his body died. Yet I needed to be there to have this one last meeting with him and life unfolded in a way that let that happen in spite of it seeming so crazy. It made no sense to go to Ibiza and not just that but it cost quite a bit of money for airfare and hotel. But the one thing I had discovered from my own experiment is that none of that mattered. The only thing that mattered was that I honored my inner authority. It is my sacred GPS. It is this that navigates me in my journey. I know where I have been. I know where I am now. But I have no idea at all about where I am going. It is my inner authority that takes me there.

In this I have moved out of the world as it is. I have my own unique life to live unlike anyone else. I don’t look to see what others are doing nor do I compare myself to others. I belong to no group. I belong to no one other than myself. I have no loyalty except to stay true to myself. So in this last Immersion in Israel, when someone said that Human Design in some areas is thought of as a cult, I had to laugh. That was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. If people think it is a belief system, it is not. If people think there is someone to follow, there is no one but oneself. If people want to call Human Design a cult, it is ONLY a cult of one. There are no members – no followers – no disciples. It is so far away from being a cult that it cracks me up.

For me, the gift of Human Design is not the Human Design System. For me, its true gift is that it is a tool for true transformation. And it is not a tool that is a new belief system for the mind to start living life from. It gives a way to truly transform and it is felt in the body itself – in the form itself. And this takes time because it is not a mental change but a cellular transformation. It is found in the deep satisfaction a Generator/MG feels after experimenting with waiting to respond. It is found in the sweet taste of success that a Projector feels when they wait for the invitation. It is found in the peace that the Manifestor gets to experience when they inform. And it is found in the wonder that fills the life of the Reflector when they experience the beauty of transitoriness.

Yes, there is Strategy and Inner Authority or the decision making process that are the simple tools from the Human Design System. But it is not that these things are to be believed. They are only the framework for the experiment. An experiment needs to have a premise. Something to begin with to prove if it is true or not. This is the premise of the Human Design experiment. Strategy and authority. And only each person can find out for themselves if it works or not. That’s what Ra told me in my reading “Don’t believe me. You experiment and find out for yourself”. And I did. And for me it gave me everything I had searched for in this life. It gave me what I had been longing for. It gave me myself.

Mary Ann Winiger

Mary Ann Winiger, a 6/2 Generator, trained live with Ra Uru Hu and has been deeply involved with Human Design for over 20 years. Personal site at key-to-you.com

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