The biggest job is to love yourself. If you love yourself, you don't need anybody else's love. This is a wonderful thing. Love should be a treat, it should be the candy. It should be something really delicious. It's not about “Oh, I’ve got to have it. It's got to be there, and if it's not there, I'm going to fall apart and oh my goodness, it's going to kill me. I'm so depressed, I'm going to cut my throat because you're leaving me.” It goes on and on and on.

If you love yourself, you discover something really incredible, that all the love that you ever thought you were into was false because it wasn't love. There's attraction, there's sexuality. There are all kinds of things that draw you to another being. We know that so well in the work that we do, because you look at designs and you can see how easily you can be attracted to, connected to others, all these hooks for the not-self.

Hanging Gates Are Looking for a Relationship

After all, we all have hanging Gates. Every hanging Gate is looking for a lover, a friend, or a relationship. Yes, it’s true, that's what they do. They hang out there and say, “Hey, oh, look at that over there. Isn't that delicious? I want one of those. And I want one of these. ”

I went crazy with that. I’ve got an open Sacral and an open emotional system. I wanted one of everything. It got very confusing because in my openness, one way is Tribal, one way is Individual, and one way is Collective. I was always getting confused between desire and passion and need. I didn't know which was which; I had no idea. You've got those hanging Gates there and it's all like, “Oh, I’ve got to have this, and I’ve got to have that.”

When you're correct within yourself, those hanging Gates don't do that to you anymore. They can't because it's not a hook anymore, it's a risk, and it becomes something totally different. Then with those hanging Gates it's like, “Oh, yeah.” Garlic hanging around your neck, a big cross in your hand. “I know those Gates. You're not going to get me there.” There are certain Gates, certain Lines that in my life every time they walked by, I fell down. It was like, “Oh, please.”

I'm a sucker for the 28.5 The 28.5 is a killer for me. I have the 57.5, the 20-57, and I have nothing in the Channel of Struggle. So, I'm this cold, heartless Integration Ego being. And when the 28.5 comes along, this is my mother, three of my four wives, my daughter, and it goes on and on. So, when the 28.5 comes along, I go like this—I mean, I'm lost. It’s like, “Oh, hi, you're going to turn me into a nice human being. Well, thank you very much.”

Excerpt from an upcoming release: You and Love/Sex/Friendship

Ra Uru Hu was the Human Design System’s founder and messenger. Ra dedicated 25 years of his life to the development and teaching of the System around the world until he passed away in 2011.